Into the unknown – II Friday, May 19 2006

Followed by desire, provoked by want

The agony grew, and the thoughts began to haunt.

Still unsure, he was clouded by fear

He was still waiting to hear.

 

They met, they ate

They drank, as he awaited his fate.

Oh yeah it was a date, but wait

Now it wasn’t too long before it would abate.

 

It did, and there was no scent of a repeat

He was in the unknown again, and he didn’t want to forfeit.

Later he asked and as he waited, he felt jaded

As she said, “You’re a good friend” and added, “I think it’s just not fated”.

 

He was done, he was down

But he wasn’t going to turn around.

Not yet, he thought, for he had one more shot

People change, albeit strange, and could he lose something he never got?

 

The day would give way to the night,

He thought, should he give up without a fight?

Fight? No, that won’t be right, but resolve just might..

Oh well, he closed his eyes under the tall dark skies

Thinking tomorrow is a new day, and one would forget tonight.

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Into the unknown – I Friday, May 12 2006

A wonted tune played in his ears; one he’d got so accustomed to that he failed to notice the stoicism in the tone. A host of doors closed in random synchronization behind him. He didn’t wait for it to start moving. He was on his way out. He didn’t break his stride, not even to look back. He desperately wanted to look back, to see it leave, and to wave goodbye. Somehow, he managed to convince himself not to. He succumbed to the disquietude in him, quite like the trepidation of a child awaiting his/her exam results. A million thoughts surged at once, providing disconcerting views on the ‘right’ thing to do. He brushed them aside facilely, and walked briskly till he reached the byway.

He stood there for a moment, looking for a place to sit. In an instant, all those thoughts resurged and the insouciance withered away. He lit one, without ever having to concentrate on the process. It was of the most mechanical nature, one that doesn’t mandate attention. He was preoccupied with other exigent thoughts which required his assiduity. He sat down near the sidewalk, involuntarily evoking questions at himself. Questions he didn’t have answers to, questions he’d never have answers to, no matter how hard he tried.

His sullen mind was filled with curiosity; the kind which has baffled the best of minds, enticed gazillions of hearts. Curiosity of the kind which has been the object-of-interest of many a research studies. Curiosity he’d not known for over two years. Two long years. It was a whole new world for him. One he’d left long ago, in search of something more resolute, something more contending. Little did he know that his quest would lead him to where he’d started from, albeit armed with perspicacity. Not in the least did he regret it though, the two years of solace. Now, he had to pacify his mind, for there was no other way around.

Or was there? Was there actually a need to find the answers? Isn’t that what it’s all about? About the moment, the feeling, the desire, the expression. So what was that he did wrong? He was just being honest. Had honesty lost its stature in two years? No, not for a person who has reverence for the name “Jehovah”. That’s all that mattered. Every other soul (save that one person) could disagree with him for all he cared. For once he was at peace; unsure but satisfied. Now all he could do was wait and hope, for that’s what the world moves on.

He got up and resumed walking. This time, it was slow and rhythmic, and he hummed along with it… “… life goes easy on me… most of the time…”.

 

Into the darkness, toward his home

He walked along, into the unknown

He was unsure, but dauntless still

And silently he hoped someday she will.

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